


I made you fall in love with me once, I can make you fall in love with me again.

by riotousorder



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Coma, Established Relationship, M/M, and Keith forgot it, keith has amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2018-12-29 21:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12093987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riotousorder/pseuds/riotousorder
Summary: Keith woke up from a five-month long coma.Lance could hear his heart shatter into million pieces inside the ribcage when Keith's eyes roved around the room without stopping at him.Lance knew Keith wouldn't remember him; he even prepared himself for it. Clearly he wasn't as prepared as he thought he was.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I battle writer's block with writing angst. This was supposed to be the ending of a long fic but I got impatient. So it became the beginning of a different long-assed fic.

Keith didn’t remember.

 

His memory stopped at the accident.

 

He had no recollection of the month they started falling for each other.

 

The ground swayed under Lance’s feet. Grief clutched his heart, wounding its smouldering-fingers along his throat, until he couldn’t speak past the hot lump weighed down his tongue.

 

Keith looked over at him from his position in Shiro's desperate embrace, not a spark of recognition lighting up his gray-blue eyes.

 

Lance couldn’t keep his tears at bay.

 

He mumbled an excuse before walking out of the hospital room and collapsing outside the door. 

 

Hunk silently followed him out. He wordlessly guided Lance’s head onto his shoulder.

 

His tears stained through Hunk’s jacket.

* * *

  

It took Shiro, Pidge, Matt, Hunk, and Allura combined force to convince him to pay Keith a visit.

 

Keith was sitting up on his bed, staring out the window when he came in. 

 

Fading sunlight of the late afternoon draped over him an ethereal cloak of light. In the whiteness of the room, of his bed, of his hospital gown, of his hair, he looked like an angel. An unreachable angel. Lance's heart twinged sharply in his chest.

 

Keith turned around to look at him and Lance had to close his eyes to stop the tears. Because Keith was smiling, a soft smile that had taken Lance almost two weeks to make happen. This Keith didn't know who he was, had no idea how painfully his beautiful smile was pulling at Lance's heartstrings.

 

"Hey," said Keith, ever so softly.

 

"Hey yourself." Lance aimed for a bright smile but with how hot his eyes were, he probably failed.

 

Keith studied him silently, fingers playing with the long cuffs of his hospital gown. Lance wanted to cry so badly. He wanted Keith to remember him so badly. He wanted his Keith back so badly it was maddening.

 

"You're...Lance, right?"

 

Lance couldn't trust his voice not to break so he nodded, turning his eyes downward so Keith didn't have to see his tears.

 

"Shiro told me. About us."

 

Lance managed a broken laugh. Trust Shiro to jump the gun in situation like this. "I suppose he did."

 

Keith didn't say anything after. Lance glanced upwards just a bit, because god he hated uncomfortable silence with a passion. And he was going to crack an ill-timed joke, anything to get his mind off things that couldn't be changed.

 

"You-"

 

"I will do the memory transfer."

 

Lance's feet covered the distance between him and Keith before he was even conscious of his action. He took Keith's badly twitching hands in his own before his sense kicked in.

 

Keith's hands fitted perfectly in his, as if they were two final pieces of a mosaic puzzle, dazzling colors impossible to comprehend if placed apart. His hands were bony, fingers so frail Lance didn't dare hold tighter lest he broke them, but so real. Lance smoothed a finger over Keith's palm. All this time he fantasize about finally holding Keith's hand. And now, when he had the chance to do so, Keith had no idea of its significant. The pain in his chest was so constant now he might as well learn to live with it till his final day.

 

"Please think it through. It's too dangerous. Even Shiro said so." Lance pleaded with every fibre in his body. Because even if his heart wanted his Keith back more than anything in the world, his mind could not let Keith take this chance. He would never forget that broken, longing gaze when raindrops just passed right through his hologram. Keith could die before he even had the chance to live again!

 

Lance waited for a reply, but none came. Keith was too busy staring at their joined hands with unadulterated marvel to give an answer. Belatedly, Lance realized. This wasn't his Keith. He hastily uncurled his fingers.

 

"Sorry I-"

 

He didn’t finish his sentence because Keith made a clumsy, aborted movement for his hands but only managed to snatch his sleeve.

 

"No." Keith looked down at his own hand. "I mean-I like having your hands in mind. Uh, does that make any sense?" Keith stared at his face, searching for his reaction, a little embarrassed.

 

Lance gave a startled laugh, belying how much he wanted to cry. Even without memory, Keith was still that awkward dork Lance had fallen heads over heels for. And Keith's eyes were beautiful, the color of twilight sky. His AI holographic projection didn't do them any justice. And now those eyes were searching his face for a reaction and starting to closing off when they didn't find what they were expecting.

 

Lance grabbed Keith hands again, tighter this time. He even sat down on the bed to assure Keith that, _no, it was not a weird request, you have every right to ask me that, god I want you to ask me that_. He couldn't stand seeing those eyes being clouded over with any negative emotions. He just wanted Keith to be carefree.

 

Keith studied their joined hands with the intensity that could put Pidge's glare to shame.

 

"Please don't do this." Lance tried again.

 

Keith tore his eyes from their hands to look at him. A small, endearing, cocky smile played on his his lips. Lance wanted to kiss that smile.

 

"Have I ever listened to you?"

 

"No," Lance said bitterly, because he knew there's no changing Keith's mind once he made his decision.

 

"Then why do you think I will listen to you now?"

 

"Because I can't lose you again!" All the hurt and pain exploded in him with those words. Tears blurred his vision. "I made you fall in love with me once, I can make you fall in love with me again. So please, I can't lose you when I just got you back."

 

Lance distantly realized that, to Keith, he was more or less a stranger. Him breaking down in tears must be weirding Keith out so badly. But he couldn't stop the tears, they kept coming in waves of molten lava. Hot, unstoppable, burning him inside out.

 

He felt more than saw Keith inch closer to him and shyly dry his tears with the sleeve of his hospital gown.

 

Lance arms moved on their own volition. His body had been doing things without him commanding them a lot lately. He flung his arms around Keith's shoulder and buried his face there.

 

Keith's pointy shoulder blade poked painfully on his cheek, his long white hair (it was supposed to be black!) tingled his nose. Lance tried to curb his tears, taking shuddering breaths that shook his entire frame. 

 

Keith hesitantly brought his arms up to wrap around his back, squeezing tightly. 

 

Lance melted into the embrace. 

 

Then he weeped. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I want to read this and not write this.

The morning of the scheduled memory transfer, Keith wheeled himself to the technical room. Shiro would have gone with him but last night, even when his body was literally 90% jitters and 10% black bags under eyes, Shiro still possessed enough coherence to give Keith a jargon-filled effusion about the risk he was taking; Keith didn't have the mind to listen to any dissuading speech from his brother this morning.

 

_"Reverse memory transfer is dangerous, Keith. You could die." Shiro concluded. He slumped onto the uncomfortable metal hospital chair with his head bent over the headrest.Everything about Shiro screamed tired and worried. The several bandages all over his steepled hands, the creased lab coat and button up shirt, his ragged, heavy breath, the unshaved stubble on his upturned chin._

 

But Keith couldn't care. He couldn't find it in himself to care. He had his life stolen from him once, then he got it back, and now it got stolen again. If even there was a point one chance he could get his memory back, he would do it. Everyone kept stopping him; and that just fuelled his need to do the memory transfer more.

 

Keith came to a halt in the monotonous hallway, failing to remember whether he should take a left or keep straight.

 

He kept straight. One way or another, he would reach the tech room. It was just a matter of long route or short route. 

 

In the monotony whiteness and faint mechanical whir from his wheelchair, Keith let his mind wander.

 

To where, he had no idea because no one ever told him anything since the day he woke up.

 

They left gaps in their stories, inconsistencies. It drove him mad. If this was their idea of protecting him, then they all could bugger off. He wasn't some precious porcelain figurine sitting in a glass case that would crumble to dusk when sprinkled with the tiniest glimpse of harsh reality. It drove him up the wall.

 

Allura and Shiro mostly avoided him. As far as he remembered, which was a lot, full 19 years of his life, a five-month hole in his memory was technically not that significant, Allura and Shiro never once actively keept secrets from him. Coran stayed by his bedside and entertained him with meaningless reminiscence of his old days. Pidge visited him occasionally. Only her noticed his questions instead of ignoring them completely or deflecting them. But she gave him no answers. Nothing. Not a sliver of thread he could use to start to unravel the web of unsaid and truths.

 

The two strangers, Hunk and Lance, visited him but didn't stay for long. He immediately got the safe, 'home' vibe from his first meeting Hunk. If there was one thing he must compare Hunk to, it would be the hearth. Lit up the cold winter nights chasing the darkness away, the center of every home. Often overlooked, made light of. Keith didn't know he had the ability to befriend someone as nice as Hunk, maybe it was how he was a hearth to Keith, a hearth that never turned away anyone. And Lance-

 

Lance was…an enigma. He couldn't get a read on the guy. He was as open as he was closed. Too open, too much information Keith had no idea which was real and which was not. And apparently somewhen in the five month his memory lost, they were a thing. Keith and Lance. Lance and Keith. Keith didn't know how he felt about that.

 

Just another thing to add to his ever growing list of things he didn't know.

 

But he hadn't lied when he said he liked the feeling of having Lance's hands in his. It had been…nice. And Lance had been on the verge of a mental breakdown, if Keith hadn't quelled it, the hospital might have got another inpatient for the day.

 

Thinking of the devil.

 

Keith rounded the corner and saw Lance walking towards him just as he noticed Keith wheeling to a halt. Lance's face lit up in a bright smile that irradiated his deep ocean eyes as he jogged over to Keith. Keith didn't know how he should react so he kept his face blank.

 

"Hey," Lance said breathlessly, inexplicably cheerful.

 

"Hey yourself," Keith said, violently thrown back to their first ever conversation.

 

"So." Lance's smile hadn't lost it vibrance though his eyes dimmed somewhat.

 

"Yeah." _What the hell? Did he really say 'yeah'?_

 

"Are you ready?"

 

Keith considered his answer to that. A 'no' would get him a long-winded speech about how he didn't have to do this. A 'yes' was a lie. Something about the eagerness and pure joy in Lance made him reluctant to lie. So he picked the in-between.

 

“Maybe.”

 

"True, I wouldn't exactly be jumping up and down on my seat in excitement for this memory transfer thingy, whatever that entails." Lance chucked. He moved to stand behind Keith and started pushing him the way he came.

 

“Wait, where are we going? I thought the technical room is that way.” Keith looked over his shoulders then up at Lance, who was eyeing him with a clearly bemused smirk. “What?” He asked, hackles rising. It was a valid question!

 

“Hey, don’t get your panties in a twist.” Lance laughed from above his head. “It’s actually the room across from yours.”

 

Keith blinked once. Twice.

 

“You’re shitting me.”

 

“What?” Lance breathed quietly, dangerously and stopped them both in the middle of the hallway. Keith was about to ask why when he got a face-full of Lance’s upside down’s face. Lance had bent forward to glare indignantly at him, nose flared. Keith automatically leant back to put some distance between them, which was probably an inch max. There wasn’t exactly much space on a wheelchair. Keith distantly noted shining nebula blue irises.

 

“I-” Lance began, closing his eyes briefly. Keith squelched the yearning need to see those nice eyes again. “-would never do that.” Before Keith had the chance to process his words, Lance leant in and pressed his lips to his hair-covered forehead. It was quick, happened in exactly a blink of an eye and then Keith could see the endless white hall ahead of him and felt the wheelchair moved forward sedately.

 

They didn’t say anything to each other after that. It left Keith to his own mind.

 

That kiss carried no meaning to Keith. He didn’t get butterflies or feel his cheeks burn up or feel his heart beat faster. He felt nothing. A bit surprised but nothing else. What was Lance trying to achieve here? To jostle his feelings? That was probably it. If the handholding thing didn’t achieve it then what made Lance think a forehead kiss could do the trick? Maybe a full-on kiss on the mouth could but if Lance tried that, Keith would deck him. Hard. With the wheelchair. Well, it seemed he needed to get something straight now.

 

“You do know the nature of my memory loss, right?” Keith asked out-of-the-blue, wishing to get this over with as fast as possible.

 

“Uh yeah.” Lance faltered, evidently weirded-out.

 

“So you know that the memory of those five months is not here, at all, in my mind. It’s in a computer, waiting to be loaded into my brain.”

 

Lance was silent. Keith let him took his time. This was very uncomfortable for him as well.

 

“What are you trying to get?” Lance asked quietly.

 

“Maybe-” Keith took a deep breath, willing his heart to slow down for a fucking second so he could get this out. “-you should have left the kiss until after the memory transfer.” He whooshed out in one single exhale, glad that the words didn’t blend together, saving him the awkwardness of repeating.

 

Lance didn’t stop the wheelchair this time, nor did he say anything for a while. 

 

With an eureka moment, Keith fully grasped the extent of his own words. He had officially, royally screwed up. Why wasn’t his unintentionally-hurt-someone’s-feeling skill lost with his five-month worth of memory?

 

Unexpectedly, Lance’s voice floated down, deceptively cheerful.

 

“Note to self, leave all intimate contact until after the transfer. Got it!”

 

The joke fell flat on Keith’s ears. Now if a genie showed up and gave him three wishes, he would ask for a hole, a shovel and a pile of dirt so he could bury himself with his own hands. Keith felt horrible, terribly horrible but he couldn’t get his words back. He chanced a glance upwards out of the corners of his eyes. Lance had his eyes straight forward, white fluorescent light reflecting brilliantly, too brilliantly, off of them. His lower lip had trace of blood on them. Lance had bitten down on his lip hard enough to draw blood just to stop himself from crying.

 

Keith’s insides twisted with contrition. He never wanted to make Lance sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unreliable narrators everywhere, shake my head.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?


End file.
